we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
