I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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