I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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