I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
