My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize