If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
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do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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