I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
