i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
