Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
