Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
