you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
