my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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