Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
