Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize