I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
