Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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