all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
