Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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