Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize