GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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