i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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