just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
