Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
