That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
