Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
