OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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