I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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