Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
