then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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