I faked an abortion last night.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
