He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize