YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
