Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
