I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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