The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The beer is more important than you right now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
