I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize