His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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