8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize