Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
