I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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