my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
