We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
