Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
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Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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