4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
