Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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