all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
