i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
