So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize