i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
