my phone needs a breathalizer
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
