you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
