Buhtt sex?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
