Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
