guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
