I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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