Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
