One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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