I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize