So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
