you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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