Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
