Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
