i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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