I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
