before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
