You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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