i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Holy shit dude........stairs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
