I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
