I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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