Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
