I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
