brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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