Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How's work?
Spinning.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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