The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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