we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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