My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize