Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
