after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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