Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
